"Have you ever heard the story about the secluded whale of the Pacific Ocean?" Avril the sea tortoise asked her friend.
"No, I don't think I recall that story," her friend Livvy the seahorse responded.
"Well, we have a bit of time before our next expedition so let me enlighten you. There once was a beautiful blue whale named Mel. Even though blue whales normally live to be 40 years old she was well beyond 70 and still looked as if she was 20. She had scales unlike any other creature in the sea. When she would swim, they would radiate all of the colors in the rainbow. She had a wildly stunning mate named Norris. He was the leader of the clan of creatures in the Pacific Ocean, the biggest army of fish anyone has ever seen. He was unlike any other blue whale because he had black stripes on him, which helped him to demand authority in the water. They were the most beloved mates in the ocean. They had two babies who Mel loved with all of her heart, Arie and Simon. Norris loved these males because he was able to act himself around them and not be trying to impress them like he had to do with Mel. They often would leave their home and explore the huge ocean, usually getting into lots of trouble. Since Norris was the most feared creature in that ocean, they acted very carefree about their actions. Without Mel knowing, they began tearing up reefs because they enjoyed all the colors that would show when the whales destroyed the reefs. One day they made the worst mistake of all. They tore up the Great Barrier Reef which was home to a great seahorse goddess named Kinley. Even though she was very tiny, especially compared to the whales, she still contained much more power than they. When she saw these careless whales ruining her home, she knew she had to let them know of the wrong they were doing to her home. How in the world could they tear up the place where she and so many of her friends has resided for so long? With a flick of her tail she killed the great Norris because of his severely reckless actions. It was a harsh punishment but she knew that it had to be done. Arie and Simon hurried home to tell their mother of the tragedy that occured. Mel was so upset with her babies. How could they continue on acting like this? How could they let her soulmate die? Something had to be done about this. They yelled and roared their great roars but Kinley responded to their screams with a curse. She had no time for their complaints when she was busy recovering her home from all of the mess that they had caused. They were transformed from blue whales to deep sea viper fish, which are the ugliest fish in all of the ocean. They now resided at the deepest depths of the ocean, trying to kill any creatures that were dumb enough to swim into the Challenger Deep where they now lived. The only food that they now ate were the fish that died and fell from the shallow water above.”
Image Information: photo of a blue whale like the characters in the story taken from Discovery Education
Image Information: photo of a viper fish, which is what Kinley turned Mel, Arie, and Simon into taken from Fish Index
Author Note: I decided to retell the story of Thataka that Viswamithra told to the boys. I used whales as the main characters instead of demigods. I think that these worked because they are also feared creatures of the sea just like the demigods in the story. I kept the story pretty much the same except changing destruction of forests to destruction of reefs. It seemed to be the most appropriate way to transfer the same idea into a story of them under the sea. Just the way the dad and boys in the story would do things that the mother did not approve of, that's what the whales would do here. Instead of Agasthya, I used Kinley the seahorse goddess, my favorite part. I really liked that she was a small creature who could still do so much damage to such large ones. I think that it definitely showed how powerful she was just like Agasthya from the story. I made them shape-shift into the ugliest fish in the sea which seemed appropriate because it made them look terrible compared to the beautiful whales that they once were. I also added isolation to them because they now had to live at the bottom of the sea away from any other fish that they could associate with.
Bibliography:
- Narayan, R. K. (1972) The Ramayana.
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!! I love how you changed the story from gods to whales. That is imaginative. I am assuming you have some kind of interest in marine life? You are right, the seahorse goddess is a great part. I like how you made a statement about their relative sizes and how even though the seahorse was a lot smaller she contained so much more power. Great job.
ReplyDeleteJade, you did a great job of retelling the story of Thataka that Viswamithra told the boys. It was really creative to make the demigod characters whales. In a way, since whales live so long and are still not completely understood, they are kind of like the demigods of the sea! I really like your use of descriptive words throughout your story! Great job!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Jade! I really enjoyed your story titled "Mel's Story". It is an extremely creative retelling and I love it! It is so cool how you used whales instead of demigods as the main characters. I think it was really fun how you changed the story from being forest to water based. I like water animals a lot more anyway! It really gave the story a nice twist. You had great detail and imagery throughout the entire story. Good Job! I cant wait to read more of your stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteHello Jade! I really loved your story, and the way you were able to accurately transfer the plot, characters, and ideas from the original story in Indian epic to such a different milieu, that of the sea. Your creative take on the tale allowed for a new understanding of the story of Thataka, and really illuminated the main plot points. I also loved that you transformed the whales into viper fish, organisms with a completely different and vile appearance and an isolated habitat, truly highlighting the curse and terrible repercussions received for destructive actions. So fantastic job on recognizing and accurately portraying the main moral of this tale!!
ReplyDeleteI do have a couple of suggestions for areas of improvement. For one, you might want to put the two images at the bottom side by side with the image information below, or even put the image of the whale at the top and the image of the viper fish at the bottom in order to emphasize the transformation. Either way, by putting the image information at the bottom and not with the images, you will allow for a more continuous appearance on the page.
Secondly, you introduced the tale with a couple of sentences about outside individuals framing the tale, so you might want to think about continuing the frame at the end of the story. Again, this just helps with the flow of the story.
Regardless, you did a fantastic job with this tale!! Great work!!
First of all, I’d like to say that I really like the theme you chose for your blog. Also, in regards to your week 2 story retelling, I wanted to let you know how cool I think your pictures are. I love se creatures, and the photos you selected are exquisite. The blue whale picture is majestic, and the picture of the viperfish, which is what Kinley turned Mel, Arie, and Simon into, is downright creepy. That’s why I like it so much! I’m glad you chose to retell the story that Viswamithra told. He’s one of my absolute favorite characters from The Ramayana, and I think he is a great and majestic character that brings a lot of mystery to a story. One of my favorite parts also was when you used Kinley as the seahorse goddess. There’s something to be said about a small thing or person being able to cause BIG damage. I think shape-shifting is a really cool concept, and the isolation you incorporated serves as a wonderful narrative tool. Overall, I think your story from week 2 is really great. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work! Keep doing a great job, Jade.
ReplyDeleteHey good morning Jade! I really enjoyed reading your week 2 portfolio post. I would firstly like to comment on how cool the layout is on your blog page. The book background adds a pleasant color scheme, though it does make reading the stories a tad bit difficult. As for the content of the story, I was hooked. I love marine biology, so when you started talking about wales and seahorses you automatically grabbed my attention. You did a great job incorporated the original story of Thataka and Viswamithra into one that is found in the depth of the ocean and focuses around completely different animals. Keep up the creative writing!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very original take on the story. At first I wasn't sure where you were going with it, but I figured out it was about Thataka and her sons. One thing I would suggest would be to break the story into paragraphs, so it's not just one big block of text. Another thing I noticed - whales don't have scales. I know, picky, but it glared out at me. Otherwise, though, this is a good, creative retelling of the story. The characters' names/species are all different, but you keep the same main storyline of the Ramayana, so it's easy to realize the parallel. The story moves along nicely, adding enough detail to tell the story but not dragging. Good job.
ReplyDeleteJade, I think your concept and idea for your portfolio this week is great! I think it almost sounded so original and basically like it happened. I think you are a great writer who has really good details and creativeness. I agree with Elena, I think you should break your story down into paragraphs so it is more spread out and not too confusing for readers. I think it would also help understand the story a little bit and be a little clearer for the readers and the overall concept. I think you did a great job with the story and the creativeness is solid and interesting. I think the story was fun to read and not boring whatsoever. I like the shape-shifting idea a lot; I think that’s a great concept to work on with your stories. I think your story is great and makes the readers want to keep reading the story without getting bored which is awesome! The amount of details and descriptions throughout the story has a smooth flow and keeps the readers engaged the whole time. I think you have the great concept and great amount of creativity as a writer! Can’t wait to read more of your blogs! Great job.
ReplyDeleteJade,
ReplyDeleteThis was a super cool way to retell this story! I love the idea of a more children-geared story and feel like your word choice supported that really well! You had great flow and made smart choices with character choice and details. I also loved the creatures you chose! I love sea creatures, and deep sea creatures are definitely some of the coolest yet strangest of them all! You contrasted them with the upper ocean dwellers beautifully and that gave a real depth to your writing.
I also really loved the images you chose. The blueness of the whale makes it feel like a natural part of the calm blue waters that surround it. Then, there's the viper fish with it's creepy eyes, long fangs, and strange coloring. It looks like a creature that would dwell in darkness, and would be so far out of place if it was next to the majestic blue whale. Plus, it's just freaky fabulous!
The only real suggestions I have are to maybe break it up a bit. The story is one big block of text which can get tiring to the eyes and make readers feel weary even if they are enjoying the story. Maybe separate it into two or three paragraphs. Also, another comment suggests that you put the images side-by-side and I think that is a great idea! That would really emphasize the contrast between them and then you could put the image information underneath which would give the page a more put-together feel.
Really great job though!